Have you ever had a moment where you are talking to someone and out of nowhere a profound quote appears? Well, that happened to me the other day. We were talking about life and its dynamic complexities and somehow we started talking about hurt. Then the Lord blessed us with this beautiful quote, “present hurt knows past hurt, but past hurt should not impact present hurt”. What does this mean? Good question.

When we experience hurt in the present, our emotions start scrolling through our emotional rolodex and identifies past times that we have felt the way we are feeling at that moment – not only when, but the what, the where and the who. Present hurt is transported to those instances where that emotion last visited. You may even begin to see faces and familiar surroundings. It is normal to go through this at the onset of the emotion, but it may be detrimental to stay in this state because if you do, you may begin to compromise your present based on your past.

It is easier to say that past hurt should not impact present hurt than it is to execute this principle in the moment. Past Hurt showed you who you were and who you were not. Past Hurt opened its arms to you when the individual who placed you there was not available (emotionally) to help you process your thoughts and your emotions. Past Hurt is faithful and will often check in on you now and again to see if the lessons learned in the intimate embrace had any lasting impact. While Past Hurt made major contributions to your character (and for some, your self-worth), Past Hurt should be given limitations.

Past Hurt can be likened to a past lover. During the time of the relationship, you two were possibly inseparable and spent much time together. You made yourself vulnerable and opened your heart to give and receive the intangible wholeness of one another. Everything was good. You felt needed, wanted and purpose was evident and free flowing. Then something changed. You are not sure if it was you or them, but you recognized that the union that had potential to last forever had to come to an end. And it did. It was tough, but you made it.

In other words, Hurt was with you and gave you strength when you needed it by justifying your dislike for an individual or thing. Hurt made you feel secure because you were able to rely on it to be present at all times, even when genuine love and good intentions tried to get close to you. Hurt told others to keep away because you were taken and was not on the market for anyone else. Somewhere, somehow, Hurt realized that what you two had could not last forever. You began to see Hurt for what it was and had the epiphany that Hurt could not journey with you to wholeness because it could only offer bitterness. With this in mind, you either moved out of Hurt’s home or maybe you kicked Hurt out. Either way, you two were no longer together and you were free. In your present place, Past Hurt appears in an effort to reconnect and make the relationship exclusive like it once was before. If not careful, your Present Hurt can become enmeshed and entangled in the web of Past Hurt and alter your trajectory to wholeness.

I have been there. It is hard to know what to do when Present and Past are fighting over the residence of your heart. If I could offer any advice, it would be to reject them both. Past is not worthy of your Present and Present will become the past once you realize you are too good for both.

Time and Energy

One of the biggest lessons I have learned over the years in marriage is the importance of focusing my time and energy. For those who do not know the difference, let me break it down for you real quick. Time management answers the following questions- what do I need to accomplish? When do I need to have it done? When is the best time for me to do that? Where do I need to go to achieve this goal and how long is it going to take me to get there? Whereas energy management looks at the focus and attention you’re going to devote to the task or project. It asks, how am I going to accomplish this? What distractions do I need to address in advance so I can increase my productivity?

In my marriage, I had to reassess and ask myself- Am I just putting in time, or both time and energy? I realized that if I wanted the outcomes I was looking for, I had to do more than just show up everyday. No, that’s not enough. Instead, I needed to show up and do something. Have you ever attended a conference or an event and you got nothing out of it? It started at 6pm and you were there at 6pm. You stayed until 9pm and walked away knowing nothing new and not even sure of the purpose of what you just attended. This is a typical time vs. energy dilemma. Now think about where this has shown up in your marriage, friendships, and other relationships. How many times did you show up (time), but did not engage or was not committed (energy)?

Remember, time and energy, while different in function, do not have to be exclusive. In fact, you’ll find that you feel most accomplished when they take place together. So, with this new information, what are you prepared to do next? How are you going to bridge these two together in your relationship?


What’s YOUR Definition of Love?

What’s YOUR Definition of Love?


In preparation of Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be best to share an article I wrote for the Purpose Drive Women Magazine. Whether you believe in the day of love or not, the article is still a good read. Learn about how you can take your relationship(s) to the next level by being more cognizant and articulating what the three words, “I love you” mean to you. Enjoy :).

What’s YOUR Definition of Love?

Check Us Out

Check Us Out

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. To say life has been busy would be an understatement! I wanted to at least make you all aware of a magazine I have the pleasure of writing for. If you’re a woman, or you know one, and you’re looking for some encouragement, support, beauty tips, health tips or inspiration, please check us out!

You can access the Purpose Driven Women Magazine online at Go to the site and get connected! You can also join the newsletter to receive updates as the issues become available. They are published every other month, so you don’t have to worry about your inbox blowing up with messages.

My column focuses primarily on love and relationships, although some of my earlier writings are more freestyle. I just submitted my piece for the February issue and I am super excited about it! So please go to the website and sign up so we can remain connected.

For your convenience, I have listed my articles below. What are you waiting for? Get connected!

Digging Deeper

I Won’t Give Up on Me


Do Not Fear

Marriage is Work


Let it be real
Let it be true,
Lord may our love be pleasing unto You.

For You have sprinkled us with sacrifice
Dabbed us with faith,
You even doused us with long-suffering
So that You can get the glory everyday.

As we come before Your table
To partake of your grace,
We pray for Your direction
And on tough days your warm embrace.

Marriage isn’t all sunshine
For days will be good, bad and worse,
We pray our strength will last
For we know it takes much work.

Our Father, who art in heaven
Hollowed be your name,
We pray Your presence will rest
In our marriage as we maintain.

Thank You for being our rock
Thank You for being our shield,
Thank You for your ability
To come and help us build.

Let it be real
Let it be true
Lord may our love be pleasing unto You.